My Path · Personal Practice · Shadow Work · The Gods

My Path Part 5: Coming to the Now

Good Gods, did you really read to the end? I’m impressed! Now enjoy the final chapter…

The Stanley Hotel is famous for being haunted, and rightly so. However when I started working there, I had stepped away from my psychic work and had spent two and half years focused on creating a “normal” life with my husband.


After getting married a fear began to surface that, while my husband married me knowing I was a witch and a pagan, he would ultimately leave me because of my beliefs. As a result I fell back on old habits. I hid my faith, stopped practicing and eventually stopped praying. For the first time in my life I had someone who loved me for who I was and I couldn’t bare the thought of losing that.


In spite of my fears, I kept letting my intuition guide me. It led me to working in a spa in Estes Park, one that was selected to become the next spa in the Stanley Hotel. I was ecstatic until we moved in. I’ve always had a gift for seeing beyond the veil, but in a place like that, it’s just sensory overload. I would mentally prepare myself on the drive to work, and each time Odin would speak to me and ask me to talk to the spirits there, to heal them, to embrace being a medium.


I wanted to do as He asked, I did, but I was afraid. The first angry spirit I came in contact with had me slamming my psychic walls down and hiding from what I saw. Odin was not pleased and punished me immediately. I became sick over night. I developed allergies to almost all foods and broke out into hives and eczema all over my body.


It’s called boxing with the Gods. They say it is inevitable for someone called to be in service of the Gods to immediately reject their role out of fear. We fight it, fight the Gods and our very nature. We box with the Gods, waiting for when we are beaten into submission. It looks different for everyone and as all things do it travels the path of least resistance. For me, the path of least resistance was a physical body that had not been cared for properly for many years. It took two years of duking it out before I finally accepted my fate, accepted Odin.


I often wonder if it is human nature to lash out against authority or if we are simply bargaining with the authority for something that works better for us. I was not ready to do what Odin wanted me to do and I certainly wasn’t prepared to do it in such a public setting. Five months of pain and discomfort passed before I was forced to leave Estes Park after the floods in 2014.


I say forced because after falling ill my fears spun out of control. I knew I was being punished, but I didn’t know why. I clung to my job at the Stanley even after my health became so poor that I couldn’t do massage anymore. It took a year and a half before I found my way out of the darkness that fear and doubt had cast over me. It took another year before I found myself again.


If it hadn’t been for the support of my husband through this period of trials, I don’t know what I would have done. It was his support and love as I drifted into a period of despair that kept me going, that healed me. He had seen me at my worst and stayed by my side with his patient love. His love and acceptance gave me the confidence in our relationship I needed to face my fears and accept myself. They say you must love yourself before anyone else will love you. In my case, I needed to be reminded that who I am was deserving of love and respect.


As I healed and found myself once again, I struggled in accepting Odin’s presence. He was a fierce and mighty God, one who scared me. What scared me more was how He spoke to me with such patience and softness. Every time I interacted with Him I felt I couldn’t trust Him because of His uncharacteristic behavior. It wasn’t until I got involved with a pagan community that someone pointed out that He probably knew that if He approached me any differently I would run for the hills.


I felt like smacking myself on the forehead. It made so much sense! With that little bit of clarity I found the strength I needed to start communicating with Odin regularly. I began to understand His nature, what He sought from me and how fulfilling His desires almost instantly improved my health. This trial was finally coming to a close and I was emerging with a greater understanding of my purpose.
Not all Gods will put you through such difficult trials, but remember that through trials comes insight and strength of spirit. If it weren’t for the periods of darkness, we would never appreciate or understand the light.


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